sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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