dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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