my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I intend to get homeless drunk
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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