They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
