You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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