Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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