Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My life is pants optional.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
