I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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