The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
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I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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