Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it hurts more in the daytime
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
