I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
