btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
