so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There's a naked man in my car right now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
