he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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