HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
