I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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