If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
