Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
