nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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