I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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