I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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