She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
