I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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