I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
