Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Found the puke drawer
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
