when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
