what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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