Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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