i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
