At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
