drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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