and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
