after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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