Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
