A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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