I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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