I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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