i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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