I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
