I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
