That's intense
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
