the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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