Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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