did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
