my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
