oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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