you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
