i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
