I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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