All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
