I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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