Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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