Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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