while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
