if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
