all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I would fuck him just for his dog
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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