Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
