Pants 0. Shit 1.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
