True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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