i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
