birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
