i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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