There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
