Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
