never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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