Having a random hookup so left but love u
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
