He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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