I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
