Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
