i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
