UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
