at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
