I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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