Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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