I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
