Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
