Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
