i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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