also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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