Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize