My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
no you cant smoke seaweed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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