real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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