so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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