Just cropdusted the office
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i drank out of a bidet.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
