Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
