no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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