Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
