just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
